NEIGHBORHOOD BOOBS

 

Living next to the woods had many advantages if you were an 11 or 12 year old guy in Lois Park.  To start off we built many forts, treehouses, underground forts, even a 7 story fort that accidentally burned down.   We could spy on anyone in several of our high tree houses.  One was so high we had a cable to get out fast if we needed to. I don’t recall we ever really had to except one time Billy Bannon accidentally shot Tom Selvaggio in the ass with a bb gun climbing behind (no pun).  Mostly the high fort came in handy for spotting Shep the farmers mean dog.  Schaborder’s Farm neighbored the woods with some chickens, milk cows, and a mean bull named Twister and some really good apple and peach tree orchards.

 

Most of us had dirt bikes by now and we made and or improved the trails running from Lois Avenue to the Egg Farm and all the way to Farms Road Circle where Kelley lived.  The woods were equipped with a creek that ran on one side, pond in the middle and drainage tunnels that went underground all the way under Cranbury Road and up to East Brunswick High School.  We could hide and or escape better than 007.  In some respects it was like a Zoo.  We would catch pretty much everything in the woods from frogs, box and paint turtles, salamanders, garden snakes, black snakes, water moccasins, a copperhead by accident, they are poisonous (we didn’t know then), chipmunks, squirrels, ground hogs, skunks, possums, owls, red robins, hawks, Cardinals, black and red Orioles, Blue Jays, Wrens, pheasants, wild turkeys,  and an occasional deer or two.  Come to think of it we could have done the Wild Kingdom Show that Mutual of Omaha did way back with Marlin Perkins.

      

On the other side of the woods was a Jewish Cemetery that you had to walk    down a path that was very dark as the trees were mature and blocking out most of the light.  The pine trees arched over the road.  The gates were eight foot high and made of iron as were the fences.  The pillars were brick and how we gained entrance. Although we would light fires in the tunnels and the forts nothing was as hot as watching some older guys feeling up their girlfriends at the Jewish Cemetery.   Normally we didn’t have any interest in a Jewish Cemetery but just the thought of seeing Leslies rack was worth the trip from any of our secret forts.  Now there were a few other girls in the hood that participated in this sexual exploration but none had the nipples Leslie did, nor did they seem to enjoy it as much.  So when Tom came running up my front steps all out of breath I knew it was Leslie on his mind.  Not just Leslie but topless Leslie.  Tom didn’t even have to tell me I knew from the look on his face.  We took off running behind my fence over the creek and through the woods.  We finally reached the dark tree tunnel leading to the front gates of the cemetery.  We had to move slowly since the road consisted of large grey pebbles and they were loud to run on.  They sounded like Rice Krispies magnified and even thought we couldn’t wait to see those ta tas, we knew better not to run on the pebbles so we kinda type roped on the curb.  Once we reached the gate we realize a couple more of our peeping Toms were following us and running on the road making way too much noise.  It was Dan Hansen and Bobbie Brown.   They must have been in one of the forts spying.  Tom had spotted Leslie and her guy walking down Lois Avenue so he suspected where they were headed.  Sure enough we had the jump on them.  We thought for sure they heard all that pebble noise but they must have been preoccupied kissing and holding hands.  Tom and I both disciplined Dan and Bobbie for being so loud they almost jinxed.  The front of the cemetery was just grass and trees so we climbed to the top of the pillars so we would have a good view but so they couldn’t see us easily because of all the tree branches.

 

Leslie and her boyfriend were laying on the grass kissing,,, a lot.  We knew from the sounds and moaning there were going to be a lotta hickies, and not just on the neck.  Although Leslie was 16 she was an early bloomer, her nipples were bouncing when she was 12 jump roping.  At 16 her nipples were just ripe and stood erect as if they were told to!  All I could think was how lucky her boyfriend was feeling and kissing that rack.  Just as that fantasy crossed my mind Bobby fell off the pillar onto a tree branch and snapped it.  We might as well sounded the fire alarm.  Bobbie was laughing and so was Dan.  We could see Leslie cover up and her boyfriend started running towards us.  We have to get out of Dodge.  I jumped from the top of the pillar and so did Tom and we headed for home as fast as we could.  As I was running I felt my converse high tops getting wet, did I go through any water, no I thought but then I saw it was blood seeping out the side.  I must have landed on a nail when I jumped off the pillar.  I didn’t feel anything but I was focused on getting out of there so maybe my mind was too occupied.  It was getting worse.  By the time I got home Tom had to lift me over the creek.  My PF Flyers looked red.  My Mom was washing the cut on the bottom of my foot with it with water and mercurachrome , when I noticed the top of my foot was bleeding too.  My Mom decided I needed to see Dr. Cryan so she called him and he said to come right up.  My Mom didn’t drive and my Dad was working so I had to walk a half mile.  Tom came with me and by the time we got to his house I was having a hard time walking so Tom got his skate board which made the trip a lot easier.  Even though I was bleeding most the way Tom and I spoke only of how hot Leslie rack is and we wish Bobbie didn’t spoil it. 

 

Finally we arrived at Dr. Cryan’s.  He took me right away and asked, “how did this happen?”  I couldn’t tell him the truth!  He’d squeal for sure so I said, “I fell on a nail building a new fort”.  That sounded plausible!  Dr. Cryan wasn’t known for his pleasant bedside manner.  While running a Q-tip soaked in medicine from the bottom of my foot to the top (trust me this hurt) he scolded me on learning a lesson…I thought if he only knew the real reason things could be a lot worse.  So he wrapped it up in some bandages and told me to “stay off it for 3 days and have my Mom change the wound every day”.  I agreed and he uttered, “And stay out of those woods.” 

 

I walked into the waiting room and there was Tom waiting by the fish tank.  First thing he says is” I heard you from here.”  I said, “you should have been in there.”   Even though my foot hurt for days, it was worth it.  The only lesson I learned was I couldn’t wait to feel Leslies rack or any rack that looked like Leslies or any rack.  Remember we were 12.  I don’t think Leslie knew it was Tom and I but every time I see the scar you know what I’m thinking!