SCIENCE CLASS

Seventh grade was the first year we had science in a lab, that is to say the front of the room was equipped with a large slate topped desk with a sink and a Bunsen burner. We didn’t sit at regular desks either. Instead we shared a large desk with three other classmates. I can remember the first day of class Keith, Larry and I decided to sit in the last desk in the back of the room. Well, we did for five minutes anyway! Ms. Jones came into class, Ms. Pochohanus Delilah Jones, and immediately ordered us to sit in locations she chose. I don’t believe Ms. Jones to be particularly perceptive woman rather I believe she was warned. So Keith wound up in the front directly behind the lab desk and right in the path of Ms. Jones. Larry was ordered to sit all the way over against the wall in the middle of the room. As a matter of fact Ms. Jones made some innocent bystander move their seat to accommodate positioning Larry as far away from Keith and me as possible. I was able to retain my seat at the bottom of the triangle. Sam Wang sat next to me. Sam was from China and immigrated to the United States last year when he was in the sixth grade. Sam’s father was an interpreter at the United Nations. When Sam arrived in East Brunswick he knew only a handful of English. One year later his vocabulary outweighed most Native Americans his age. Sam was instinctively intelligent and yet I found it not to be his most admirable quality. Sam could draw like no one I’d ever known. He could sketch five or six lines while studying the face of a classmate and it would be a perfect caricature. He totally amazed me! I liked Sam. Although he seemed very subdued and serious there was a rebel in Sam trying to break out. I believe I’m partially responsible for corruption of culture in Sam. I don’t believe I ever helped Sam learn any English, but to this day I can remember the Chinese words for bastard and son-of-a-bitch. I believe Sam went on to become an artist against the wishes of his parents. Go Sam!

Ms. Jones had many peculiar ways of teaching. For instance, while lecturing about matters of importance she would always stop and query the class, “Now how many of you understand that?” And yes she would expect us to raise our hands in agreement. She would often single out Keith and address him in her North Carolina accent as Keiff while always spraying the words ending. Keith would turn around and face the class wiping his eyes from the spray. This saga would occur routinely. I know Keith enjoyed that front row seat so much! I especially enjoyed Ms. Jones exams. It soon became obvious to all in her class that if you didn’t know the answer to a question (she pronounced querstion) on the exam you simply raised your hand and communicated to Ms. Jones that you didn’t understand the question. The exchange would go something like this, “Ms. Jones I’m sorry but I don’t understand question number nine.” Ms. Jones would come over to your seat, read the question, “A high pressure air system and a low pressure system brushing up against one another creates a _____.” “Now Patrick I know you know this answer. We have gone over this many times in class. Now what do you think that a hot and dry body rubbing up against a wet and cool body could create?” I don’t know Ms. Jones the need for birth control?” “Now Patrick let’s be serious here. Doesn’t it create storm front?” “Well yes of course Ms. Jones but that is the obvious answer I thought you were looking for something more.” “Now Patrick you know I don’t go in for those trick querstions on my exams.” Of course everyone in the class was sure of the answer now. You could hear the erasers going for the students who had answered it incorrectly. If you didn’t receive a high mark in Ms. Jones Class you belonged in remedial science.

One afternoon Ms. Jones showed up for class rather late and the class had begun to get loud and unruly without the presence of authority. Larry had been flirtatiously entertaining Sherrie Trump and Maryanne Brundage by sticking his finger in the fish tank and playing some asinine game with the fish. His back was turned when Ms. Jones entered the room and in an exercise of authority Ms. Jones singled out Larry and said, “Now Larry what are you doing with your fingers in that fish tank? Don’t you know that your fingers could have chemicals on them that can harm those fish?” “Now get your hand out of that fish tank and you will have detention for two weeks Mr. Burnett.” To this day I leave voice mail messages for Larry repeating those stern words of wisdom from Ms. Jones. Of course Larry instantly knows who is calling. Boy do you ever make friends like the friends you had when you were twelve?